Friend advice?

I made friends with a woman I met at my child%26#039;s nursery. Although we are very different the kids get on really well and we meet regularly. I feel like I am more of a friend to her than the other way round at times. The issue is that she did not even get me a card for my 40th, did not get me anything when I got married this August after saying both times that she was looking for something and would buy us a present soon! I do not expect it from people but I feel that she has made no effort and has made too many promises. For eg she was going to help me buy shoes for the wedding, help me on the day, etc but nothing materialised - same as the presents or cards. I have made her and her child as well as husband dinner and lunch on many, many occasions but this is hardly ever reciprocated. So I feel that I give a lot and do not get much back. I feel really pissed off basically and wonder what others would do in such a situation. Also she is about to move miles away in 3 wks time.

Friend advice?
Sadly there are two sorts of people on this planet, takers and givers. Your friend obviously is the former and whilst she thinks she is being nice to you by making these promises, she actually cannot bring herself to deliver. May be she is just lazy or she is short of cash and cannot afford the expense, though making a birthday card is hardly rocket science and to help for a wedding costs nothing. Is she a air head? She may have good intentions but forgets...





Your last sentence is the key to get out of your problem. She is moving a long way away. You do not have to invite her round any more, or cook for her and her family. See if she gets in touch with you after she has moved. Don%26#039;t take the first step. The chances are that she will turn to someone else to provide the support you have been giving her as it will be more convenient. She is no great loss as a friend, and a generous and kind person like yourself will not find any difficulty in finding a new friend.





When she goes, wish her well, but do not buy her a leaving present. Just limit yourself to a %26quot;Hope you will be happy in your new home%26quot; note or card, then wait and see...You may get the odd telephone call, but I am convinced this will be rare and short lived.


Put the whole thing behind you and do not demean yourself by giving her a piece of your mind before she leaves. You have the strongest moral ground and have nothing to be ashamed of for dropping her in the circumstances. If she is too insensitive to realise she has been exploiting you and has given very little in return, she is not worth the heartache. She may realise when she has settled in her new home, but I would really not recommend re-energising relations. You are on a hiding to nothing. Let it go !
Reply:Then stop giving so much. And make her on the same level you%26#039;re feeling right now until she understands.
Reply:A blank promise is pissing off,I understand,you just let her go,what else can you expect in such a person?
Reply:with out sounding horrible i think that you should just cut your losses when she moves,i am sure that there are better people out there. a friend should always keep promises
Reply:I agree with Gone Car. As far as the not giving so much, I do not think you will ever loose from being kind. On the other hand, having a bit of limits never hurts.


Since she will be moving soon, again, there is something in yet another poster%26#039;s statement that you might as well carry on as usual. Why bother to hurt all the good feelings? You may have done something to really help the other woman!


Gee, I am really agreeable lately...


Applauding a genuinely good person. I bet you are a great mum!
Reply:what a kind hearted woman you are, and what a shame she is moving away in 3 weeks time as there is not much you can do in this short space of time. what a selfish greedy so and so this woman is and she will mince somebody else in her new area so you need to be glad in a way your out of it! my god she got what she could out of you and took greed on your soft kind nature. she is no friend good ridance to her!
Reply:hi, to be a friend is to be there for each other not just for material things but for moral support and a shoulder to cry on and to have a natter ...your friend seems to be using you a little...seeing that she is moving away from you in a few weeks i would just keep trying to make excuses up to why you haven%26#039;t been round or why she can%26#039;t come round and hope that three weeks comes sooner rather than later...you seem like a very nice person doing all that for her so you shouldn%26#039;t find it too hard to make a new friend and with any luck they will be as nice to you as you are to them...good luck
Reply:Seems like your friend doesn%26#039;t appreciate you and your friendship. If she couldn%26#039;t even help u out on your wedding day or just be there for u, then she is no friend. Don%26#039;t expect anything in return from her, because she is selfish and truthfully I don%26#039;t think she cares that she hurts your feelings. All she is doing is hurting you, you are a good friend to her and she%26#039;s taking that to the advantage. Have a talk with her before she leaves and let her know exactly how u feel, don%26#039;t hold anything back, if u don%26#039;t tell her how will she know. If things remain the same between the two n she has yet made no effort, let her go. It will be her lost not yours. Believe me, she%26#039;ll realize how good of a friend you were to her when she moves.
Reply:Seeing that she is about to move away i%26#039;d just try and forget about what has happened. Maybe she is just a bit of a scatter brain when offering help and saying that she%26#039;ll buy presents. Some people want to do things but have no organisable skills. I know i%26#039;ve done it in the past.
Reply:You would be better off not to expect any thing from her. She seems like a person who may be too busy doing what she does. But wants to help you which may be genuine. I do agree that you have invited them for dinner and lunch it should have been reciprocated. Unfortunately some people are like that. Take no notice be happy and stay happy
Reply:tell her how you feel about this. and if she gets mad at you, she wasnt a friend worth having and is not a friend worth keeping. but if you can, you might still want to keep in touch, you know, for the children%26#039;s sake.
Reply:well, if you gave her all those things and keep having the thought in your mind that she must pay back, of course you%26#039;re pissed off!





if you in the other hand, keep giving her, without wanting her to give back to you, then you%26#039;ll be good.





try to be sincere when you give someone whatever it is you%26#039;re giving.



kmdi