Why do some men think that if they met a women with a child are kid%26#039;s that the women just wants someone to take care of her kid%26#039;s?Have it ever dawned on you that the father is in the child%26#039;s life or if he isn%26#039;t that we can take care of our own child?What men need to realize is that just because she have a child doesn%26#039;t mean that she is trying to make you replace her baby%26#039;s father or make you take own any responsibilty that the child%26#039;s father should be responsibile for,but if you are interested in a lady with children her child comes first so you will half to respect the fact that the child is their if you want any dealings with that woman at all (notice before you respond i said some men)and if you are offended put the shoe on and where it with PRIDE????????????
Why do most men think that if you are a single mother you%26#039;re looking for a father for your child?
Well, when I show up at their house to pick them up on a date, and they show up at the door in a wedding gown with veil and a bouquet and they say %26quot;I%26#039;m ready,%26quot; I kind of assume that they are looking for a new daddy for their kids. Guys aren%26#039;t as dense as you think; we pick up on subtle hints!
Reply:I%26#039;ve been married for 15 years so I%26#039;m probably of no help to you! I guess things have changed in the past decade : )
Reply:Probably cuz they have dealt with a women whose purpose was to throw their child on the man or expect him to be father figure. Im not saying that%26#039;s always the case but im just giving you a reason. And also they might feel that a chilfd should have a father so they automatically asume that%26#039;s what you are looking for or what you really need . And tey don%26#039;t want to or can%26#039;t be responsible for that. I mean it%26#039;s what you might call a streotype for single mothers. But think inorder for a streotype to exists it had to be thought of or actually proved in someones life or experience. Not saying it makes it right but just taking the situation from another perspective.
Reply:okay...
Reply:If I were a single mom, I would ONLY date men who were serious about me, my child, and the possibility of becoming a family.
I hate single moms who date around, seeing lots of men and settling for less just to %26quot;not scare%26quot; a %26quot;man%26quot; away. They embarass all single moms. What kind of messed-up example is that???
I understand the need to still feel strong and independant, but with a child you MUST raise you standards.
Kids notice everything...
Reply:A lot of men are %26#039;fixers%26#039;. Myself included. We see what we may think is a problem, and there is a feeling to fix what%26#039;s wrong with it. My wife loves it that I try to fix things most of the time, sometimes though, she can see that when it%26#039;s something I don%26#039;t understand then it annoys the crap out of her. She has 2 children herself by different men, but I didn%26#039;t feel the need to help her because she is a strong independant woman herself. I didn%26#039;t want to meet her children actually so that I could get to know her, and if things did not work out then we could both move on. I%26#039;ve been in that pitfall before, and for years after I broke up with the girl I still sent the child birthday/christmas gifts. After my wife and I realised we had something real she and I began the tedious road of introducing me to her teenage daughters. It has all worked out well, and now her daughters call me dad just as if I have been there all my life.
Reply:OK these ppl are stupid, you are not a gold digger etc. I am sure most single mothers were in relationships that didnt work out for one reason or another but have children. I dont know why men assume this, when I meet a guy with kids I dont assume they need a mother, so wtf. but if men think this and run or avoid then you%26#039;re better off. jerks!!!!
Reply:I%26#039;m sure you%26#039;d be meeting better men if you%26#039;d learn how to speak better. You%26#039;re spelling is bad, so you%26#039;re english is probably bad too. If you improve your speech, you%26#039;ll meet better people, and not just men who are afraid of becoming an %26quot;instant dad.%26quot;
Reply:If you show yourself as an independant woman then men will respect that in you. Most men want to %26#039;date%26#039; and not even think about the future and a child already in the scenerio makes them think of the future!
Reply:The problem I am seeing is unless you are dating someone where it is understood that it will never be serious, that man will at some point be put into the step father role.
Reply:The reason why %26#039;most%26#039; men think this is because %26#039;most%26#039; women are not only looking for a boyfriend/husband, but also someone to %26#039;act%26#039; as a father or at least provide %26#039;fatherly guidance%26#039;.
Wake up and join the rest of the real world Joanne. Your opinion is in a fantasy world. Just try to date a single mother and not provide ANY fatherly duties and see how long before that single mother calls you out on it. I%26#039;ve been there and trust me....you%26#039;re wrong.
Reply:BECAUSE there small minded n selfish n they always seem to think that us woman need them n cant do nothing on our own HUH couldnt be more wrong
Reply:Because they usually are ,,, tramps
Reply:Well are%26#039;nt you. gold digger...
Camel
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
A question for sane single mothers only! My husband has a 13 yr. old ...?
My husband is a very supportive father to his child%26#039;s mother. Sometimes I think he tries to over compensate (monetarily) just to make sure his son it well cared for. He sees him every other day, attends all of his football games, helps him with homework, hangs out, gives him allowance, and the whole nine. The way I see it you couldn%26#039;t want more if you were the child%26#039;s mother. However, his son%26#039;s mother is always asking him to do more. Although he pays child support FAITHFULLY, if his son%26#039;s mother asks if he can buy more during the month he feels he needs to. She is always asking if he can contribute more financially... buy him clothes, shoes, pay for this football uniform, etc. On top of that my husband gives her 500 a month for child support. Which I think she just uses to pay her car note. I would like to hear from a GOOD/RESPONSIBLE single mother. Tell me how much money it really takes OUTSIDE of child support to take care of a 13 yr old boy? If she puts in HER OWN $500 that%26#039;s 1k mo.
A question for sane single mothers only! My husband has a 13 yr. old ...?
It takes well over a thousand a month to care for one child. I think your husband needs to discuss her finances with her. If she can%26#039;t care for him, maybe your husband needs to take him. Realize that care includes a roof, electricity, clothing, food, transportation, school supplies, recreation, personal items, etc. There%26#039;s a lot in caring for a child.
Reply:Your husband is a saint for doing all that, some women are not as lucky, some don%26#039;t even see a dime. If she using that money for other things besides her son she isn%26#039;t putting her sons best interest at heart. Sounds like she is using your husband, I know he loves his son, but I%26#039;d take him aside and ask him what his mother does with that money he is old enough to know what is going on. My nephew is 15 and his Dad pays no where near that, his Dad is a dead beat, he doesn%26#039;t even help with his insulin, and needles he needs to help keep his diabetes in control. She should be thankful for she gets, and stop her complaining. Sounds like your husband needed custody and not her. I don%26#039;t mean to sound mean but just because they had a fallen out she shouldn%26#039;t use her son to get money for her needs. I%26#039;ve seen too many mothers out there struggling because the fathers did not pay their child support.
Reply:child support is not nearly enough , single mothers never have a day off so the fact he sees him everyother day is less than she does already , and as far as money hmmm, let%26#039;s put it this way the fact you can count every dollar he gives her for one means you%26#039;re in their business too much , and 2 tells me he doesn%26#039;t do enough , because i guarantee she can%26#039;t count every dimes that she spends to raise their son . Seems like you need to find a man without children .
Reply:One thing you have to understand is that they don%26#039;t evaluate child support by only what the child uses/needs for one month. What they look at is the fact that the child should be able to live the same as they did when their parents were married. For example, the house they live in, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, the hot showers they bathe in and the the activites they do etc. So therefore child support helps pay for rent/mortage, electricity, water, food, clothes, etc. Hope this helps!
Reply:easy parenting . .
Reply:That is a really tough question. I think that the amount varies. Remember, the money for child support also goes toward the house note, utilities, food, medical care, etc. in addition to clothing, shoes, school expenses, and activity fees. I think it takes a lot to raise a child, and all extra expenses put a strain on a single parent. I am a responsible person and a wage earner who sometimes has expenses related to my son that are beyond my budget. If his dad can help sometimes, that is great. We really have tried to be honest and both give what we can.
Reply:mabey its not the money....mabey she wants the time. does he spend time with both of them ???? r u with him when he does things with his son?
Reply:I know that it%26#039;s herd to swallow but 500 a month really is not enough to raise a teenager. As a single parent of two I can tell you in all confidence that that would almost cover clothes, groceries and school for just one if you were looking really hard for the best deals. Sure she uses the on-hand cash for the bills at hand but safe and reliable transportation is one of those expenses. The poor house is not the place for your children to live, even if you don%26#039;t have custody of them like I did.
Just to let you know that I%26#039;m not just some nut. I tried to get more than the 35 bucks a month for the both of them and she got out of paying anything at all by claiming a military disability. So I was left with nothing at all while she, to this day, doesn%26#039;t even pay taxes.
So please just be thankful that you%26#039;re hooked up with a generous, loving and, responsible person.
Reply:i know you said single mothers only but although i do not have children of my own i do know it takes alot to raise them monatarily well over 500 a month especially at this age when you have all the extracurricular activities its alot. i guess it just depends on what extra shes asking him to buy/do but if you sit down and put some figures down on paper it would probably make sense to you, you might actually be surprised 500 is not nearly enough for a single mother/child you should have done your homework b4 marrying a guy with a 13 year old because if you get to into the middle of this your marriage is over and remember that boy was there b4 you you have to accept that and move on to a greater cause
Reply:so thats cool
Reply:Depending on your area, $500 is not unreasonable for child support. I have two ex%26#039;s. One was ordered (19 years ago) to pay $1000/mo for four kids. He now pays twice that because he%26#039;s gotten more income since that time and he%26#039;s been very fair and reasonable... so he%26#039;s currently paying about $500 per month, per child.
The other ex is a total loser... and he pays $200 per month per child... but I had to have him put in jail to get that out of him.
In my area (Northern VA near DC) an average if the guy has a decent job is about $500 to $600 per month for one child. I%26#039;ve seen it go as high as $1200/mo. for one child.
She might be paying a $500 car note, but that child is costing more than $500 a month... trust me. And if you calculate only the two of them living together and add up half the rent/house payment, half all the utilities, half the grocery bill, plus medical co-pays, clothes, books, shoes, child care, sports fees etc? He%26#039;s not paying too much.
Keep in mind that 13 year old boys might go through 4 pairs of $40 sneakers in one school year. Their entire wardrobe might need to be replaced two or three times in one year because they grow so freakin%26#039; fast! Everything shouldn%26#039;t have to come from Salvation Army. They eat like longshoremen! If he plays sports or a musical instrument, there%26#039;s more money... field trips, extracurricular activities, a new backpack, lunch money, a new winter coat, skating with the guys, that new CD-ROM thing that he needs for social studies... it all adds up.
You can argue does she need that large of a car note... but doesn%26#039;t she have to have reliable transportation to get him back and forth to school, doctor, soccer, orthodontist, football games, etc... and if she works, she%26#039;s got to have reliable transportation to continue earning an income.
I think you%26#039;re a bit jealous... and I understand it... but from a mom who has one ex who means well, but has other commitments that don%26#039;t allow him much time for his children.... and another ex who hasn%26#039;t seen his children for 8 years.... I admire what he%26#039;s doing and he%26#039;s trying to minimize the damage the divorce does to his child and that%26#039;s all.
Please be supportive of his efforts. You said %26quot;You couldn%26#039;t want more if you were the child%26#039;s mother.%26quot; All she wants is what%26#039;s best for her child. It sounds like she%26#039;s asking for that and he%26#039;s doing it. Reality is.... it sucks to be the second wife sometimes, but if you go to battle with him on this, you can only lose. You%26#039;re going to have to put on your big girl panties and let the child win. He%26#039;s already lost something major here. Let his father dote on him. He will only be a child for another 5 years. A stable, supported upbringing will be the best way to guarantee that he won%26#039;t be leaching off of your marriage for the rest of his life.
Sit quietly and support your husband as he is Father of the Year if you must. It takes a village (and all their jobs and income!) to raise a child. By the way... unless she makes as much as he does, she%26#039;s not required to %26quot;put in her own $500 a month%26quot; she would only be required to put in her percentage as was calculated by the state. This is all court-ordered I%26#039;m sure. Stop fighting it. You%26#039;ll only exhaust yourself with frustration.
Reply:kids are expensive. I get 300 a week for my two girls and it just isnt enough at all, and every cent goes to thier care without any extravagances.
Reply:I am not a single mother, but I do have two children that are not my husbands that I receive child support for. I can honestly tell you that child support does not even begin to cover the expenses for a child. You have to consider food for the child every day, three times a day, and a thirteen year old boy can eat. School fees and books, clothes, shoes, extra curricular activities, hair cuts, money to go out with friends, dentist bills, doctor bills, school pictures, the list goes on and on. Your husband sounds like a very good father, you should be proud of him and encourage him to continue to take an active role in his son%26#039;s life. That does not mean let the ex take advantage, she needs to be paying her own fair share. Maybe they could split any extra bills in half. And I can honestly tell you that my children%26#039;s support has never gone to pay my bills. But you do need to remember that the boy is living at home and using electric, water, etc.
Reply:Oh my gosh!!!!! I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend! It is unreal! If you were not married, I swear, I would think that we were dating the same guy! Especially when you say that the %26quot;ex%26quot; calls and askes for more money after my man sent his child support (He has it deducted directly from his checking when he gets paid so he doesn%26#039;t have to deal with it. )
The other day the %26quot;ex%26quot; called and said - %26quot; do you have extra money to sign your son up with the football team, and do you have extra money to pay for braces for your other son, and can you give me money so I can make my car payment because I am unemployed right now...............huh? Get out! Oh, by the way, my man, broke down and sent her all the money she wanted........cuz he luvs his kids more than anything. And, I respect him for that but....being taken advantage of, gets really old and I don%26#039;t want to loose respect for anyone here.
Reply:OK, most women use the child support for other things when it is suppose to be for the child. My friend would take some of her child support and buy things for her boyfriend and his child. It is wrong but true. Some women ask and want more on purpose to make the wife or girlfriend miserable especially, if there ex has another child by that person. $500.00 a month is PLENTY to take care of a 13 year old. Your husband does not need to do anymore and is not obligated to do anything but pay the child support and spend time and support his son. Yes women can be really cruel and dirty. Is she remarried also? It is NOT your husbands sole responsibilty, she needs to contribute to what her son needs also. They had this child together, and she should contribute and not be so money hungry. I hate women like that.
P.S. I can see there are alot of gold digging women on this board. I have heard to many women (at work in the breakroom) talking and trying to RUIN there ex husbands life with another women. They ask for money (after receiving child support) calling all hours of the night (claiming child is sick) . It is just wrong!
Reply:well I have been both a single mom and a married mom . and let me tell you that it takes alot of money to raise a kid. I see you have no kids or you would allready would know this.And futher more if his father wants to give more than his child support to his sons mother who are you to get in thier buisness. I think your having an issue with this because your feeling neglected. be honest with your self then talk to your husband.
Reply:my child is 8 and i recieve $0.00 a month from his father. i make about $1200 a month (bring home pay) and can barely make ends meet. i actually overdrew my account over the holiday weekend...ooops! i never do that. unless it%26#039;s a finacial burden for you to give more to his son, just let dear ol dad do it. the ex is very fortunate to not have finacial worries while raising a child. don%26#039;t be jealous of her, raising kids is expensive. and if the $500 pays her car payment, realize it%26#039;s all the same money anyway...i.e., she%26#039;d have to pay it anyway along with the expenses of a child.
Reply:I know your looking for mothers but as a son I%26#039;ve calculated what my single mother paid to raise me upto age 18 and it was roughly $345,130- total- costs including food, clothing, shelter, sports, medical and trips/vacations so really 1k a month seems about right to raise a child depending on the home life style he and the mother live and what part of the country they are in I%26#039;m in the northeast an we had a ranch style house with 2 acres and I%26#039;m also disabled from birth so medical was abit higher then maybe it would be for the child your refering to
Reply:how many sardine sandwiches does he eat a week?
Reply:I think that he pays her child support. If he wants to do more for the child, then he should give it to or spend it on the child. IE uniform send a check to the school. u know shes paying her car note. Which in a way is support for the child i guess. she knows how to work him huh. I get $15 a week its what the judge said and I%26#039;ve never seen not one cent. so he has the same birthday as our child and never ever has sent her a birthday card. when he calls she knows that she doesn%26#039;t want to see him. I am so stupid to even give her a choice.
Reply:Wow. Sounds like someone is being taken advantage of. I have a daughter but $500 per month is way more child support than I ever got and my daughter had everything she needed and most of what she wanted. The $500 per month, was that court ordered or did he just agree to that amount? If he went through the courts, they generally come up with a figure that seems fair based on both parties incomes. Seems to me $500 is more than fair. I can see some extra financial help with things like getting braces etc, but you husband is definitely going above and beyond. Could it be that he is doing so because he feels guilty about something? At any rate, she knows how willing he is to help and has no problems asking for more, which to me would be hard to do. I guess I have this little thing called pride that she obviously does not have. Does your husband know how you feel? How does he explain his actions to you? Instead of giving all the extra money, would your husband be open to the idea of the extra money going into a college fund for the boy? That way he could put his sons name on the account and have himself as the custodian of the account so she would not be able to access the money (unless the laws allow in your state). Long and short of it, unless your husband knows how you feel and understands your view point, he is unlikely to change this behavior at this point. If your income was included in determining how much child support was to be paid, you could use that as leverage when you approach him with the subject. This is a tough one. Good luck.
Reply:The expenses of raising a child:
Rent 1/3 of household total
heat 1/2 of household total
electricity 1/2 of household total
water 1/2 of household total
phone 1/3 of household total
medical expenses as charged
dental as charged
clothes as incurred
food 3/4 of household total (for a 13 yr old boy at least)
toys as incurred
sports as incurred
school supplies as incurred
Surveys have totalled up the cost of raising a child to adulthood at $250,000.
Your husband sounds like a dedicated responsible father, it is heart warming to hear about such a man in this era. My advice to you is relax and deal with it. You certainly don%26#039;t want to drive that fine a man away. I know I found one whom I Love very deeply and is providing for my children for a previous marriage to a deadbeat A$SHOLE.
Reply:First, if she uses the $500 to make her car payment, that%26#039;s her perogative. Who%26#039;s paying her rent, utilities, food, gas, clothes, school lunch, insurances, etc? $500 a month doesn%26#039;t cover much.
I hate to be harsh, but you should have thought about this child before you married your husband. He was here first. He should come first. You should be PROUD of your husband for taking care of his child. Too few men do. Furthermore, you should support him in his quest to be a good father. Your resentment of this innocent child and his mother will only destroy you and your marriage.
Reply:Sounds like he%26#039;s a push over. He doesn%26#039;t owe her anything, he spends time and pays child support that%26#039;s his only duty.
I get $111 a month for my daughter so unless you guys get less than that you can%26#039;t complain.
treatment
A question for sane single mothers only! My husband has a 13 yr. old ...?
It takes well over a thousand a month to care for one child. I think your husband needs to discuss her finances with her. If she can%26#039;t care for him, maybe your husband needs to take him. Realize that care includes a roof, electricity, clothing, food, transportation, school supplies, recreation, personal items, etc. There%26#039;s a lot in caring for a child.
Reply:Your husband is a saint for doing all that, some women are not as lucky, some don%26#039;t even see a dime. If she using that money for other things besides her son she isn%26#039;t putting her sons best interest at heart. Sounds like she is using your husband, I know he loves his son, but I%26#039;d take him aside and ask him what his mother does with that money he is old enough to know what is going on. My nephew is 15 and his Dad pays no where near that, his Dad is a dead beat, he doesn%26#039;t even help with his insulin, and needles he needs to help keep his diabetes in control. She should be thankful for she gets, and stop her complaining. Sounds like your husband needed custody and not her. I don%26#039;t mean to sound mean but just because they had a fallen out she shouldn%26#039;t use her son to get money for her needs. I%26#039;ve seen too many mothers out there struggling because the fathers did not pay their child support.
Reply:child support is not nearly enough , single mothers never have a day off so the fact he sees him everyother day is less than she does already , and as far as money hmmm, let%26#039;s put it this way the fact you can count every dollar he gives her for one means you%26#039;re in their business too much , and 2 tells me he doesn%26#039;t do enough , because i guarantee she can%26#039;t count every dimes that she spends to raise their son . Seems like you need to find a man without children .
Reply:One thing you have to understand is that they don%26#039;t evaluate child support by only what the child uses/needs for one month. What they look at is the fact that the child should be able to live the same as they did when their parents were married. For example, the house they live in, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, the hot showers they bathe in and the the activites they do etc. So therefore child support helps pay for rent/mortage, electricity, water, food, clothes, etc. Hope this helps!
Reply:easy parenting . .
Reply:That is a really tough question. I think that the amount varies. Remember, the money for child support also goes toward the house note, utilities, food, medical care, etc. in addition to clothing, shoes, school expenses, and activity fees. I think it takes a lot to raise a child, and all extra expenses put a strain on a single parent. I am a responsible person and a wage earner who sometimes has expenses related to my son that are beyond my budget. If his dad can help sometimes, that is great. We really have tried to be honest and both give what we can.
Reply:mabey its not the money....mabey she wants the time. does he spend time with both of them ???? r u with him when he does things with his son?
Reply:I know that it%26#039;s herd to swallow but 500 a month really is not enough to raise a teenager. As a single parent of two I can tell you in all confidence that that would almost cover clothes, groceries and school for just one if you were looking really hard for the best deals. Sure she uses the on-hand cash for the bills at hand but safe and reliable transportation is one of those expenses. The poor house is not the place for your children to live, even if you don%26#039;t have custody of them like I did.
Just to let you know that I%26#039;m not just some nut. I tried to get more than the 35 bucks a month for the both of them and she got out of paying anything at all by claiming a military disability. So I was left with nothing at all while she, to this day, doesn%26#039;t even pay taxes.
So please just be thankful that you%26#039;re hooked up with a generous, loving and, responsible person.
Reply:i know you said single mothers only but although i do not have children of my own i do know it takes alot to raise them monatarily well over 500 a month especially at this age when you have all the extracurricular activities its alot. i guess it just depends on what extra shes asking him to buy/do but if you sit down and put some figures down on paper it would probably make sense to you, you might actually be surprised 500 is not nearly enough for a single mother/child you should have done your homework b4 marrying a guy with a 13 year old because if you get to into the middle of this your marriage is over and remember that boy was there b4 you you have to accept that and move on to a greater cause
Reply:so thats cool
Reply:Depending on your area, $500 is not unreasonable for child support. I have two ex%26#039;s. One was ordered (19 years ago) to pay $1000/mo for four kids. He now pays twice that because he%26#039;s gotten more income since that time and he%26#039;s been very fair and reasonable... so he%26#039;s currently paying about $500 per month, per child.
The other ex is a total loser... and he pays $200 per month per child... but I had to have him put in jail to get that out of him.
In my area (Northern VA near DC) an average if the guy has a decent job is about $500 to $600 per month for one child. I%26#039;ve seen it go as high as $1200/mo. for one child.
She might be paying a $500 car note, but that child is costing more than $500 a month... trust me. And if you calculate only the two of them living together and add up half the rent/house payment, half all the utilities, half the grocery bill, plus medical co-pays, clothes, books, shoes, child care, sports fees etc? He%26#039;s not paying too much.
Keep in mind that 13 year old boys might go through 4 pairs of $40 sneakers in one school year. Their entire wardrobe might need to be replaced two or three times in one year because they grow so freakin%26#039; fast! Everything shouldn%26#039;t have to come from Salvation Army. They eat like longshoremen! If he plays sports or a musical instrument, there%26#039;s more money... field trips, extracurricular activities, a new backpack, lunch money, a new winter coat, skating with the guys, that new CD-ROM thing that he needs for social studies... it all adds up.
You can argue does she need that large of a car note... but doesn%26#039;t she have to have reliable transportation to get him back and forth to school, doctor, soccer, orthodontist, football games, etc... and if she works, she%26#039;s got to have reliable transportation to continue earning an income.
I think you%26#039;re a bit jealous... and I understand it... but from a mom who has one ex who means well, but has other commitments that don%26#039;t allow him much time for his children.... and another ex who hasn%26#039;t seen his children for 8 years.... I admire what he%26#039;s doing and he%26#039;s trying to minimize the damage the divorce does to his child and that%26#039;s all.
Please be supportive of his efforts. You said %26quot;You couldn%26#039;t want more if you were the child%26#039;s mother.%26quot; All she wants is what%26#039;s best for her child. It sounds like she%26#039;s asking for that and he%26#039;s doing it. Reality is.... it sucks to be the second wife sometimes, but if you go to battle with him on this, you can only lose. You%26#039;re going to have to put on your big girl panties and let the child win. He%26#039;s already lost something major here. Let his father dote on him. He will only be a child for another 5 years. A stable, supported upbringing will be the best way to guarantee that he won%26#039;t be leaching off of your marriage for the rest of his life.
Sit quietly and support your husband as he is Father of the Year if you must. It takes a village (and all their jobs and income!) to raise a child. By the way... unless she makes as much as he does, she%26#039;s not required to %26quot;put in her own $500 a month%26quot; she would only be required to put in her percentage as was calculated by the state. This is all court-ordered I%26#039;m sure. Stop fighting it. You%26#039;ll only exhaust yourself with frustration.
Reply:kids are expensive. I get 300 a week for my two girls and it just isnt enough at all, and every cent goes to thier care without any extravagances.
Reply:I am not a single mother, but I do have two children that are not my husbands that I receive child support for. I can honestly tell you that child support does not even begin to cover the expenses for a child. You have to consider food for the child every day, three times a day, and a thirteen year old boy can eat. School fees and books, clothes, shoes, extra curricular activities, hair cuts, money to go out with friends, dentist bills, doctor bills, school pictures, the list goes on and on. Your husband sounds like a very good father, you should be proud of him and encourage him to continue to take an active role in his son%26#039;s life. That does not mean let the ex take advantage, she needs to be paying her own fair share. Maybe they could split any extra bills in half. And I can honestly tell you that my children%26#039;s support has never gone to pay my bills. But you do need to remember that the boy is living at home and using electric, water, etc.
Reply:Oh my gosh!!!!! I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend! It is unreal! If you were not married, I swear, I would think that we were dating the same guy! Especially when you say that the %26quot;ex%26quot; calls and askes for more money after my man sent his child support (He has it deducted directly from his checking when he gets paid so he doesn%26#039;t have to deal with it. )
The other day the %26quot;ex%26quot; called and said - %26quot; do you have extra money to sign your son up with the football team, and do you have extra money to pay for braces for your other son, and can you give me money so I can make my car payment because I am unemployed right now...............huh? Get out! Oh, by the way, my man, broke down and sent her all the money she wanted........cuz he luvs his kids more than anything. And, I respect him for that but....being taken advantage of, gets really old and I don%26#039;t want to loose respect for anyone here.
Reply:OK, most women use the child support for other things when it is suppose to be for the child. My friend would take some of her child support and buy things for her boyfriend and his child. It is wrong but true. Some women ask and want more on purpose to make the wife or girlfriend miserable especially, if there ex has another child by that person. $500.00 a month is PLENTY to take care of a 13 year old. Your husband does not need to do anymore and is not obligated to do anything but pay the child support and spend time and support his son. Yes women can be really cruel and dirty. Is she remarried also? It is NOT your husbands sole responsibilty, she needs to contribute to what her son needs also. They had this child together, and she should contribute and not be so money hungry. I hate women like that.
P.S. I can see there are alot of gold digging women on this board. I have heard to many women (at work in the breakroom) talking and trying to RUIN there ex husbands life with another women. They ask for money (after receiving child support) calling all hours of the night (claiming child is sick) . It is just wrong!
Reply:well I have been both a single mom and a married mom . and let me tell you that it takes alot of money to raise a kid. I see you have no kids or you would allready would know this.And futher more if his father wants to give more than his child support to his sons mother who are you to get in thier buisness. I think your having an issue with this because your feeling neglected. be honest with your self then talk to your husband.
Reply:my child is 8 and i recieve $0.00 a month from his father. i make about $1200 a month (bring home pay) and can barely make ends meet. i actually overdrew my account over the holiday weekend...ooops! i never do that. unless it%26#039;s a finacial burden for you to give more to his son, just let dear ol dad do it. the ex is very fortunate to not have finacial worries while raising a child. don%26#039;t be jealous of her, raising kids is expensive. and if the $500 pays her car payment, realize it%26#039;s all the same money anyway...i.e., she%26#039;d have to pay it anyway along with the expenses of a child.
Reply:I know your looking for mothers but as a son I%26#039;ve calculated what my single mother paid to raise me upto age 18 and it was roughly $345,130- total- costs including food, clothing, shelter, sports, medical and trips/vacations so really 1k a month seems about right to raise a child depending on the home life style he and the mother live and what part of the country they are in I%26#039;m in the northeast an we had a ranch style house with 2 acres and I%26#039;m also disabled from birth so medical was abit higher then maybe it would be for the child your refering to
Reply:how many sardine sandwiches does he eat a week?
Reply:I think that he pays her child support. If he wants to do more for the child, then he should give it to or spend it on the child. IE uniform send a check to the school. u know shes paying her car note. Which in a way is support for the child i guess. she knows how to work him huh. I get $15 a week its what the judge said and I%26#039;ve never seen not one cent. so he has the same birthday as our child and never ever has sent her a birthday card. when he calls she knows that she doesn%26#039;t want to see him. I am so stupid to even give her a choice.
Reply:Wow. Sounds like someone is being taken advantage of. I have a daughter but $500 per month is way more child support than I ever got and my daughter had everything she needed and most of what she wanted. The $500 per month, was that court ordered or did he just agree to that amount? If he went through the courts, they generally come up with a figure that seems fair based on both parties incomes. Seems to me $500 is more than fair. I can see some extra financial help with things like getting braces etc, but you husband is definitely going above and beyond. Could it be that he is doing so because he feels guilty about something? At any rate, she knows how willing he is to help and has no problems asking for more, which to me would be hard to do. I guess I have this little thing called pride that she obviously does not have. Does your husband know how you feel? How does he explain his actions to you? Instead of giving all the extra money, would your husband be open to the idea of the extra money going into a college fund for the boy? That way he could put his sons name on the account and have himself as the custodian of the account so she would not be able to access the money (unless the laws allow in your state). Long and short of it, unless your husband knows how you feel and understands your view point, he is unlikely to change this behavior at this point. If your income was included in determining how much child support was to be paid, you could use that as leverage when you approach him with the subject. This is a tough one. Good luck.
Reply:The expenses of raising a child:
Rent 1/3 of household total
heat 1/2 of household total
electricity 1/2 of household total
water 1/2 of household total
phone 1/3 of household total
medical expenses as charged
dental as charged
clothes as incurred
food 3/4 of household total (for a 13 yr old boy at least)
toys as incurred
sports as incurred
school supplies as incurred
Surveys have totalled up the cost of raising a child to adulthood at $250,000.
Your husband sounds like a dedicated responsible father, it is heart warming to hear about such a man in this era. My advice to you is relax and deal with it. You certainly don%26#039;t want to drive that fine a man away. I know I found one whom I Love very deeply and is providing for my children for a previous marriage to a deadbeat A$SHOLE.
Reply:First, if she uses the $500 to make her car payment, that%26#039;s her perogative. Who%26#039;s paying her rent, utilities, food, gas, clothes, school lunch, insurances, etc? $500 a month doesn%26#039;t cover much.
I hate to be harsh, but you should have thought about this child before you married your husband. He was here first. He should come first. You should be PROUD of your husband for taking care of his child. Too few men do. Furthermore, you should support him in his quest to be a good father. Your resentment of this innocent child and his mother will only destroy you and your marriage.
Reply:Sounds like he%26#039;s a push over. He doesn%26#039;t owe her anything, he spends time and pays child support that%26#039;s his only duty.
I get $111 a month for my daughter so unless you guys get less than that you can%26#039;t complain.
treatment
People are usually not wrongly accused of shoplifting, but if there are no witnesses, no suveillence cameras?
Situation -- a small, old-fashioned drugstore in a small town.
The clerk is an older woman who is new to this area. She may wrongly accused others before, but not in this town.
The accused is a 12-year-old girl, white anglo-saxon, so it is not racial. She has never been in trouble before. This accusation puts her under huge stress -- she needs to find out what%26#039;s really going on.
We know that there are firefighters who set blazes so they can put them out and nurses who poison patients so they can revive them. On a smaller level, there are people who want to be heroes at work. They are looking for their 15 minutes of fame and have a hard time putting themselves in other people%26#039;s shoes. Adults are usually believed when their word is against a child%26#039;s. For this woman, no matter how evil or pathetic, catching a young %26quot;shoplifter%26quot; who doesn%26#039;t have much emotional support at home would be her way to grab some attention.
Have you ever heard of this happening?
People are usually not wrongly accused of shoplifting, but if there are no witnesses, no suveillence cameras?
If she needs to %26quot;find out what%26#039;s going on,%26quot; and has been charged with a crime, the law in every jurisdiction in the United States provides her with the right to obtain copies of all the evidence which the prosecution has and could use against her at trial.
This would include all police reports, witness statements, security video, audio statements, squad video, and physical evidence (or forensic analysis reports of the same --such as fingerprint or DNA evidence).
Obtaining copies of this evidence, known as %26quot;discovery%26quot; in the legal world, would be the first step to putting forth a defense to a charged crime.
More importantly, however, would be to obtain an attorney who can provide legal counsel specific to the facts of the case.
Reply:If the clerk saw her steal the item and/or can find the item in her possession, then the child is in the wrong. No matter what background she has, she deserves to be reprimanded because later on, down the road, she will continue to steal until it becomes a major problem and result in major jail time and serious fines. On the other hand, if the clerk does this for personal gain (i.e., attention), then she deserves to be fired immediately.
Reply:i was wrongly accused of shoplifting.
I took that c.nt to court.
books b
The clerk is an older woman who is new to this area. She may wrongly accused others before, but not in this town.
The accused is a 12-year-old girl, white anglo-saxon, so it is not racial. She has never been in trouble before. This accusation puts her under huge stress -- she needs to find out what%26#039;s really going on.
We know that there are firefighters who set blazes so they can put them out and nurses who poison patients so they can revive them. On a smaller level, there are people who want to be heroes at work. They are looking for their 15 minutes of fame and have a hard time putting themselves in other people%26#039;s shoes. Adults are usually believed when their word is against a child%26#039;s. For this woman, no matter how evil or pathetic, catching a young %26quot;shoplifter%26quot; who doesn%26#039;t have much emotional support at home would be her way to grab some attention.
Have you ever heard of this happening?
People are usually not wrongly accused of shoplifting, but if there are no witnesses, no suveillence cameras?
If she needs to %26quot;find out what%26#039;s going on,%26quot; and has been charged with a crime, the law in every jurisdiction in the United States provides her with the right to obtain copies of all the evidence which the prosecution has and could use against her at trial.
This would include all police reports, witness statements, security video, audio statements, squad video, and physical evidence (or forensic analysis reports of the same --such as fingerprint or DNA evidence).
Obtaining copies of this evidence, known as %26quot;discovery%26quot; in the legal world, would be the first step to putting forth a defense to a charged crime.
More importantly, however, would be to obtain an attorney who can provide legal counsel specific to the facts of the case.
Reply:If the clerk saw her steal the item and/or can find the item in her possession, then the child is in the wrong. No matter what background she has, she deserves to be reprimanded because later on, down the road, she will continue to steal until it becomes a major problem and result in major jail time and serious fines. On the other hand, if the clerk does this for personal gain (i.e., attention), then she deserves to be fired immediately.
Reply:i was wrongly accused of shoplifting.
I took that c.nt to court.
books b
Please help me with age ranges. Thanks for all help.?
I found an organization called KIDS STUFF USA where we send shoe boxes full of either baby supplies, school supplies, or children%26#039;s toys. I decided to make one of each. I have to write the ages on top of the box, so can you help me decide. Thanks
1. (baby supplies)
bottle
pacifier
bib
blanket
washcloth
towel
baby soap
shampoo
lotion (johnsons)
small brush
diaper rash ointment
nail clippers
cotton balls
toothbrush (baby)
toothpaste (baby)
socks
pajamas (once you tell me the age I%26#039;ll get the size a little big)
2. (school supplies)
2 notebooks
folder
pencils
pens
small sharpener
eraser
calculator
math compass
markers
colored pencils
washcloth
soap
shampoo
brush
toothbrush
toothpaste
gloves, hat, scarves
3. (toys)
play dough
paint
brushes
cups with water already added (I found this at a local shop)
crayons
markers
colored pencils
paper
puzzle (100 piece)
barbie
barbie clothes
socks
gloves, hat, scarf
toothbrush
toothpaste
wash cloth
soap
What age group should I right on each?
Please help me with age ranges. Thanks for all help.?
For category #1 I would label it Infant/Toddlers because there are some toddlers still in need of pampers and things of that nature
On category #2 label School Age Children Grades 2ND through 6Th
On category #3 label Preschool thru 1st grade . The only item this age group may have trouble with is the puzzle. of 100 pieces . But for the most part most children that are in toddler stage can handle these items under supervision
Reply:1. (baby / infant supplies)
A. infant 1 month - 6 months
feeding bottles
pacifier
bib
blanket
washcloth
infant towel
baby soap
shampoo very mild
lotion (johnsons)
small hairbrush
diaper rash ointment
cotton balls
nail clippers
socks
pajamas ( infant 1 month to 6 months; it better that its big than small)
B. Varies - only use when teething starts
toothbrush (baby)
toothpaste (baby)
2. SCHOOL SUPPLIES (depends the grade level) These are for kiddies
2 notebooks
folder
pencils
pens
small sharpener
eraser
calculator
math compass
markers
colored pencils
washcloth
crayons
paper
drawing book/ booklet
glue/paste
scissors
drawing apron
a small school bag
clays for kids
3. TOYS
play dough
paint - assorted colors
brushes - assorted brush
cups with water already added (I found this at a local shop)
puzzle (100 piece)
barbie doll - 1 set (with accessories)
Take a look at the package of all these things there%26#039;s an age range for all these stuff.
GOD BLESS YOU.
books title c
1. (baby supplies)
bottle
pacifier
bib
blanket
washcloth
towel
baby soap
shampoo
lotion (johnsons)
small brush
diaper rash ointment
nail clippers
cotton balls
toothbrush (baby)
toothpaste (baby)
socks
pajamas (once you tell me the age I%26#039;ll get the size a little big)
2. (school supplies)
2 notebooks
folder
pencils
pens
small sharpener
eraser
calculator
math compass
markers
colored pencils
washcloth
soap
shampoo
brush
toothbrush
toothpaste
gloves, hat, scarves
3. (toys)
play dough
paint
brushes
cups with water already added (I found this at a local shop)
crayons
markers
colored pencils
paper
puzzle (100 piece)
barbie
barbie clothes
socks
gloves, hat, scarf
toothbrush
toothpaste
wash cloth
soap
What age group should I right on each?
Please help me with age ranges. Thanks for all help.?
For category #1 I would label it Infant/Toddlers because there are some toddlers still in need of pampers and things of that nature
On category #2 label School Age Children Grades 2ND through 6Th
On category #3 label Preschool thru 1st grade . The only item this age group may have trouble with is the puzzle. of 100 pieces . But for the most part most children that are in toddler stage can handle these items under supervision
Reply:1. (baby / infant supplies)
A. infant 1 month - 6 months
feeding bottles
pacifier
bib
blanket
washcloth
infant towel
baby soap
shampoo very mild
lotion (johnsons)
small hairbrush
diaper rash ointment
cotton balls
nail clippers
socks
pajamas ( infant 1 month to 6 months; it better that its big than small)
B. Varies - only use when teething starts
toothbrush (baby)
toothpaste (baby)
2. SCHOOL SUPPLIES (depends the grade level) These are for kiddies
2 notebooks
folder
pencils
pens
small sharpener
eraser
calculator
math compass
markers
colored pencils
washcloth
crayons
paper
drawing book/ booklet
glue/paste
scissors
drawing apron
a small school bag
clays for kids
3. TOYS
play dough
paint - assorted colors
brushes - assorted brush
cups with water already added (I found this at a local shop)
puzzle (100 piece)
barbie doll - 1 set (with accessories)
Take a look at the package of all these things there%26#039;s an age range for all these stuff.
GOD BLESS YOU.
books title c
Who wrote the poem "A Love of death"?
Imagine a child from Virginia or New Hampshire
Alone on the prairie eighty years ago
Or more, one afternoon—the shaggy pelt
Of grasses, for the first time in that child’s life,
Flowing for miles. Imagine the moving shadow
Of a cloud far off across that shadeless ocean,
The obliterating strangeness like a tide
That pulls or empties the bubble of the child’s
Imaginary heart. No hills, no trees.
The child’s heart lightens, tending like a bubble
Towards the currents of the grass and sky,
The pure potential of the clear blank spaces.
Or, imagine the child in a draw that holds a garden
Cupped from the limitless motion of the prairie,
Head resting against a pumpkin, in evening sun.
Ground-cherry bushes grow along the furrows,
The fruit red under its papery, moth-shaped sheath.
Grasshoppers tumble among the vines, as large
As dragons in the crumbs of pale dry earth.
The ground is warm to the child’s cheek, and the wind
Is a humming sound in the grass above the draw,
Rippling the shadows of the red-green blades.
The bubble of the child’s heart melts a little,
Because the quiet of that air and earth
Is like the shadow of a peaceful death—
Limitless and potential; a kind of space
Where one dissolves to become a part of something
Entire ... whether of sun and air, or goodness
And knowledge, it does not matter to the child.
Dissolved among the particles of the garden
Or into the motion of the grass and air,
Imagine the child happy to be a thing.
Imagine, then, that on that same wide prairie
Some people are threshing in the terrible heat
With horses and machines, cutting bands
And shoveling amid the clatter of the threshers,
The chaff in prickly clouds and the naked sun
Burning as if it could set the chaff on fire.
Imagine that the people are Swedes or Germans,
Some of them resting pressed against the strawstacks,
Trying to get the meager shade.
A man,
A tramp, comes laboring across the stubble
Like a mirage against that blank horizon,
Laboring in his torn shoes toward the tall
Mirage-like images of the tilted threshers
Clattering in the heat. Because the Swedes
Or Germans have no beer, or else because
They cannot speak his language properly,
Or for some reason one cannot imagine,
The man climbs up on a thresher and cuts bands
A minute or two, then waves to one of the people,
A young girl or a child, and jumps head-first
Into the sucking mouth of the machine,
Where he is wedged and beat and cut to pieces—
While the people shout and run in the clouds of chaff,
Like lost mirages on the pelt of prairie.
The obliterating strangeness and the spaces
Are as hard to imagine as the love of death ...
Which is the love of an entire strangeness,
The contagious blankness of a quiet plain.
Imagine that a man, who had seen a prairie,
Should write a poem about a Dark or Shadow
That seemed to be both his, and the prairie’s—as if
The shadow proved that he was not a man,
But something that lived in quiet, like the grass.
Imagine that the man who writes that poem,
Stunned by the loneliness of that wide pelt,
Should prove to himself that he was like a shadow
Or like an animal living in the dark.
In the dark proof he finds in his poem, the man
Might come to think of himself as the very prairie,
The sod itself, not lonely, and immune to death.
None of this happens precisely as I try
To imagine that it does, in the empty plains,
And yet it happens in the imagination
Of part of the country: not in any place
More than another, on the map, but rather
Like a place, where you and I have never been
And need to try to imagine—place like a prairie
Where immigrants, in the obliterating strangeness,
Thirst for the wide contagion of the shadow
Or prairie—where you and I, with our other ways,
More like the cities or the hills or trees,
Less like the clear blank spaces with their potential,
Are like strangers in a place we must imagine.
Who wrote the poem %26quot;A Love of death%26quot;?
Robert Pinsky of course.. Have you read this one??
At Pleasure Bay In the willows along the river at Pleasure BayA catbird singing, never the same phrase twice.Here under the pines a little off the roadIn 1927 the Chief of PoliceAnd Mrs. W. killed themselves together,Sitting in a roadster. Ancient unshaken pilingsAnd underwater chunks of still-mortared brickIn shapes like bits of puzzle strew the bottomWhere the landing was for Price%26#039;s Hotel and Theater.And here%26#039;s where boats blew two blasts for the keeperTo shunt the iron swing-bridge. He leaned on the gearsLike a skipper in the hut that housed the worksAnd the bridge moaned and turned on its middle pierTo let them through. In the middle of the summerTwo or three cars might wait for the iron trussworkWinching aside, with maybe a child to noticeA name on the stern in black-and-gold on white,Sandpiper, Patsy Ann, Do Not Disturb,The Idler. If a boat was running whiskey,The bridge clanged shut behind it as it passedAnd opened up again for the Coast Guard cutterSlowly as a sundial, and always jammed halfway.The roadbed whole, but opened like a switch,The river pulling and coursing between the piers.Never the same phrase twice, the catbird fillingThe humid August evening near the inletWith borrowed music that he melds and changes.Dragonflies and sandflies, frogs in the rushes, two bodiesNot moving in the open car among the pines,A sliver of story. The tenor at Price%26#039;s Hotel,In clown costume, unfurls the sorrow gatheredIn ruffles at his throat and cuffs, high quaversThat hold like splashes of light on the dark water,The aria%26#039;s closing phrases, changed and fading.And after a gap of quiet, cheers and applauseAudible in the houses across the river,Some in the audience weeping as if they had meltedInside the music. Never the same. In BerlinThe daughter of an English lord, in loveWith Adolf Hitler, whom she has met. She is takingPossession of the apartment of a couple,Elderly well-off Jews. They survive the warTo settle here in the Bay, the old ladyTeaches piano, but the whole world swivelsAnd gapes at their feet as the girl and a high-up NaziExamine the furniture, the glass, the pictures,The elegant story that was theirs and nowIs part of hers. A few months later the EnglishEnter the war and she shoots herself in a park,An addled, upper-class girl, her life that passesInto the lives of others or into a place.The taking of lives--the Chief and Mrs. W.Took theirs to stay together, as local ghosts.Last flurries of kisses, the revolver%26#039;s barrel,Shivers of a story that a child might hearAnd half remember, voices in the rushes,A singing in the willows. From across the river,Faint quavers of music, the same phrase twice and again,Ranging and building. Over the high new bridgeThe flashing of traffic homeward from the racetrack,With one boat chugging under the arches, outwardUnnoticed through Pleasure Bay to the open sea.Here%26#039;s where the people stood to watch the theaterBurn on the water. All that night the fireboatsKept playing their spouts of water into the blaze.In the morning, smoking pilasters and beams.Black smell of char for weeks, the ruin alreadySoaking back into the river. After you dieYou hover near the ceiling above your bodyAnd watch the mourners awhile. A few days moreYou float above the heads of the ones you knewAnd watch them through a twilight. As it grows darkerYou wander off and find your way to the riverAnd wade across. On the other side, night air,Willows, the smell of the river, and a massOf sleeping bodies all along the bank,A kind of singing from among the rushesCalling you further forward in the dark.You lie down and embrace one body, the limbsHeavy with sleep reach eagerly up around youAnd you make love until your soul brims upAnd burns free out of you and shifts and spillsDown over into that other body, and youForget the life you had and begin againOn the same crossing--maybe as a child who passesThrough the same place. But never the same way twice.Here in the daylight, the catbird in the willows,The new café, with a terrace and a landing,Frogs in the cattails where the swing-bridge was--Here%26#039;s where you might have slipped across the waterWhen you were only a presence, at Pleasure Bay. Robert Pinsky
Reply:its really deep.
i love it.
i write poems too, and so do most of my friends, so i%26#039;ve seen alot and believe me....you got soemthing.
Reply:ya that is a good poem
Reply:Robert Pinsky
Reply:Pinsky. :)
Credit Report
Alone on the prairie eighty years ago
Or more, one afternoon—the shaggy pelt
Of grasses, for the first time in that child’s life,
Flowing for miles. Imagine the moving shadow
Of a cloud far off across that shadeless ocean,
The obliterating strangeness like a tide
That pulls or empties the bubble of the child’s
Imaginary heart. No hills, no trees.
The child’s heart lightens, tending like a bubble
Towards the currents of the grass and sky,
The pure potential of the clear blank spaces.
Or, imagine the child in a draw that holds a garden
Cupped from the limitless motion of the prairie,
Head resting against a pumpkin, in evening sun.
Ground-cherry bushes grow along the furrows,
The fruit red under its papery, moth-shaped sheath.
Grasshoppers tumble among the vines, as large
As dragons in the crumbs of pale dry earth.
The ground is warm to the child’s cheek, and the wind
Is a humming sound in the grass above the draw,
Rippling the shadows of the red-green blades.
The bubble of the child’s heart melts a little,
Because the quiet of that air and earth
Is like the shadow of a peaceful death—
Limitless and potential; a kind of space
Where one dissolves to become a part of something
Entire ... whether of sun and air, or goodness
And knowledge, it does not matter to the child.
Dissolved among the particles of the garden
Or into the motion of the grass and air,
Imagine the child happy to be a thing.
Imagine, then, that on that same wide prairie
Some people are threshing in the terrible heat
With horses and machines, cutting bands
And shoveling amid the clatter of the threshers,
The chaff in prickly clouds and the naked sun
Burning as if it could set the chaff on fire.
Imagine that the people are Swedes or Germans,
Some of them resting pressed against the strawstacks,
Trying to get the meager shade.
A man,
A tramp, comes laboring across the stubble
Like a mirage against that blank horizon,
Laboring in his torn shoes toward the tall
Mirage-like images of the tilted threshers
Clattering in the heat. Because the Swedes
Or Germans have no beer, or else because
They cannot speak his language properly,
Or for some reason one cannot imagine,
The man climbs up on a thresher and cuts bands
A minute or two, then waves to one of the people,
A young girl or a child, and jumps head-first
Into the sucking mouth of the machine,
Where he is wedged and beat and cut to pieces—
While the people shout and run in the clouds of chaff,
Like lost mirages on the pelt of prairie.
The obliterating strangeness and the spaces
Are as hard to imagine as the love of death ...
Which is the love of an entire strangeness,
The contagious blankness of a quiet plain.
Imagine that a man, who had seen a prairie,
Should write a poem about a Dark or Shadow
That seemed to be both his, and the prairie’s—as if
The shadow proved that he was not a man,
But something that lived in quiet, like the grass.
Imagine that the man who writes that poem,
Stunned by the loneliness of that wide pelt,
Should prove to himself that he was like a shadow
Or like an animal living in the dark.
In the dark proof he finds in his poem, the man
Might come to think of himself as the very prairie,
The sod itself, not lonely, and immune to death.
None of this happens precisely as I try
To imagine that it does, in the empty plains,
And yet it happens in the imagination
Of part of the country: not in any place
More than another, on the map, but rather
Like a place, where you and I have never been
And need to try to imagine—place like a prairie
Where immigrants, in the obliterating strangeness,
Thirst for the wide contagion of the shadow
Or prairie—where you and I, with our other ways,
More like the cities or the hills or trees,
Less like the clear blank spaces with their potential,
Are like strangers in a place we must imagine.
Who wrote the poem %26quot;A Love of death%26quot;?
Robert Pinsky of course.. Have you read this one??
At Pleasure Bay In the willows along the river at Pleasure BayA catbird singing, never the same phrase twice.Here under the pines a little off the roadIn 1927 the Chief of PoliceAnd Mrs. W. killed themselves together,Sitting in a roadster. Ancient unshaken pilingsAnd underwater chunks of still-mortared brickIn shapes like bits of puzzle strew the bottomWhere the landing was for Price%26#039;s Hotel and Theater.And here%26#039;s where boats blew two blasts for the keeperTo shunt the iron swing-bridge. He leaned on the gearsLike a skipper in the hut that housed the worksAnd the bridge moaned and turned on its middle pierTo let them through. In the middle of the summerTwo or three cars might wait for the iron trussworkWinching aside, with maybe a child to noticeA name on the stern in black-and-gold on white,Sandpiper, Patsy Ann, Do Not Disturb,The Idler. If a boat was running whiskey,The bridge clanged shut behind it as it passedAnd opened up again for the Coast Guard cutterSlowly as a sundial, and always jammed halfway.The roadbed whole, but opened like a switch,The river pulling and coursing between the piers.Never the same phrase twice, the catbird fillingThe humid August evening near the inletWith borrowed music that he melds and changes.Dragonflies and sandflies, frogs in the rushes, two bodiesNot moving in the open car among the pines,A sliver of story. The tenor at Price%26#039;s Hotel,In clown costume, unfurls the sorrow gatheredIn ruffles at his throat and cuffs, high quaversThat hold like splashes of light on the dark water,The aria%26#039;s closing phrases, changed and fading.And after a gap of quiet, cheers and applauseAudible in the houses across the river,Some in the audience weeping as if they had meltedInside the music. Never the same. In BerlinThe daughter of an English lord, in loveWith Adolf Hitler, whom she has met. She is takingPossession of the apartment of a couple,Elderly well-off Jews. They survive the warTo settle here in the Bay, the old ladyTeaches piano, but the whole world swivelsAnd gapes at their feet as the girl and a high-up NaziExamine the furniture, the glass, the pictures,The elegant story that was theirs and nowIs part of hers. A few months later the EnglishEnter the war and she shoots herself in a park,An addled, upper-class girl, her life that passesInto the lives of others or into a place.The taking of lives--the Chief and Mrs. W.Took theirs to stay together, as local ghosts.Last flurries of kisses, the revolver%26#039;s barrel,Shivers of a story that a child might hearAnd half remember, voices in the rushes,A singing in the willows. From across the river,Faint quavers of music, the same phrase twice and again,Ranging and building. Over the high new bridgeThe flashing of traffic homeward from the racetrack,With one boat chugging under the arches, outwardUnnoticed through Pleasure Bay to the open sea.Here%26#039;s where the people stood to watch the theaterBurn on the water. All that night the fireboatsKept playing their spouts of water into the blaze.In the morning, smoking pilasters and beams.Black smell of char for weeks, the ruin alreadySoaking back into the river. After you dieYou hover near the ceiling above your bodyAnd watch the mourners awhile. A few days moreYou float above the heads of the ones you knewAnd watch them through a twilight. As it grows darkerYou wander off and find your way to the riverAnd wade across. On the other side, night air,Willows, the smell of the river, and a massOf sleeping bodies all along the bank,A kind of singing from among the rushesCalling you further forward in the dark.You lie down and embrace one body, the limbsHeavy with sleep reach eagerly up around youAnd you make love until your soul brims upAnd burns free out of you and shifts and spillsDown over into that other body, and youForget the life you had and begin againOn the same crossing--maybe as a child who passesThrough the same place. But never the same way twice.Here in the daylight, the catbird in the willows,The new café, with a terrace and a landing,Frogs in the cattails where the swing-bridge was--Here%26#039;s where you might have slipped across the waterWhen you were only a presence, at Pleasure Bay. Robert Pinsky
Reply:its really deep.
i love it.
i write poems too, and so do most of my friends, so i%26#039;ve seen alot and believe me....you got soemthing.
Reply:ya that is a good poem
Reply:Robert Pinsky
Reply:Pinsky. :)
Credit Report
More riddles coming...?
1. What city has no people?
2. What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in a thousand years?
3. What goes up but never goes down?
4. What do you call your father-in-law%26#039;s
only child%26#039;s mother-in-law?
5. What always sleeps with its shoes on?
6. What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
7. What two keys can%26#039;t open any doors?
8. Formed long ago, yet made today, Employed while others sleep. What none would freely give away. Nor any wish to keep.
9. A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
10. Which number doesn%26#039;t belong?
3
19
17
23
29
51
11
7
13
5
97
that%26#039;s all ppl enjoys
More riddles coming...?
1.electricity
2.the letter m
3.your age
4.your mother
5.horse
6.the elephant%26#039;s shadow
7.monkey and donkey
8.a bed
9.he waits till night then goes through the first door
10.51 it isn%26#039;t a prime number
Reply:1. Electricity
2. %26quot;M%26quot;
3.Age
4.Mother
5. Horse
6. Its shadow
7. Piano%26#039;s
8. Bed
9. He kills the dragon
10. 51 becaus it isn%26#039;t prime
Reply:1. travelocity
2. letter m
3. a viagra overdose victim
4.
5. horse
6. elephants shadow
7. monkey and donkey
8.a bed
9.He waits until night time and then goes through the first
door.
10. 51
Reply:1= Los Angeles %26quot;The City of Angels%26quot;
2=m
3= an %26quot;up%26quot; escalator.
4= Your wife
5= A horse
6= Nothing at all
7= Keys don%26#039;t open doors they unlock them.
8= Dreams
9= Wake up/ how%26#039;d you get in?
10= 51 all of the others are prime
Reply:1. Electricity
2. letter m
4. Mother..........
5. Horse................
6. shadow of an elephant..........
7. donkey and monkey..............
Reply:1.
2. the letter %26quot;m%26quot;
3. your age
4. Mom
5.
Reply:. Electricity
2. %26quot;M%26quot;
3.Age
4.Mother
5. Horse
6. Its shadow
7. Piano%26#039;s
8. Bed
9. He waits until the sun is down
10. 51 becaus it isn%26#039;t prime
3 minutes ago
Reply:2. m 4. mom 7. monkey %26amp; donkey
Reply:4. mom
7. piano keys
Reply:no
Loan forum
2. What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in a thousand years?
3. What goes up but never goes down?
4. What do you call your father-in-law%26#039;s
only child%26#039;s mother-in-law?
5. What always sleeps with its shoes on?
6. What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
7. What two keys can%26#039;t open any doors?
8. Formed long ago, yet made today, Employed while others sleep. What none would freely give away. Nor any wish to keep.
9. A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
10. Which number doesn%26#039;t belong?
3
19
17
23
29
51
11
7
13
5
97
that%26#039;s all ppl enjoys
More riddles coming...?
1.electricity
2.the letter m
3.your age
4.your mother
5.horse
6.the elephant%26#039;s shadow
7.monkey and donkey
8.a bed
9.he waits till night then goes through the first door
10.51 it isn%26#039;t a prime number
Reply:1. Electricity
2. %26quot;M%26quot;
3.Age
4.Mother
5. Horse
6. Its shadow
7. Piano%26#039;s
8. Bed
9. He kills the dragon
10. 51 becaus it isn%26#039;t prime
Reply:1. travelocity
2. letter m
3. a viagra overdose victim
4.
5. horse
6. elephants shadow
7. monkey and donkey
8.a bed
9.He waits until night time and then goes through the first
door.
10. 51
Reply:1= Los Angeles %26quot;The City of Angels%26quot;
2=m
3= an %26quot;up%26quot; escalator.
4= Your wife
5= A horse
6= Nothing at all
7= Keys don%26#039;t open doors they unlock them.
8= Dreams
9= Wake up/ how%26#039;d you get in?
10= 51 all of the others are prime
Reply:1. Electricity
2. letter m
4. Mother..........
5. Horse................
6. shadow of an elephant..........
7. donkey and monkey..............
Reply:1.
2. the letter %26quot;m%26quot;
3. your age
4. Mom
5.
Reply:. Electricity
2. %26quot;M%26quot;
3.Age
4.Mother
5. Horse
6. Its shadow
7. Piano%26#039;s
8. Bed
9. He waits until the sun is down
10. 51 becaus it isn%26#039;t prime
3 minutes ago
Reply:2. m 4. mom 7. monkey %26amp; donkey
Reply:4. mom
7. piano keys
Reply:no
Loan forum
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