Do you think child support is "enough" in a child's life?

i am curious as to how many single dads out there not only pay child support but also help out in other expenses like sports, ballet wear, club fees for these sports, shoes and school clothes. my ex is just now buying stuff for the kids but it%26#039;s like a package of underwear and one outfit for their birthday. AND he wont let them take these things home. i asked him to help with the extras he said no that he pays child support and that is enough. it is support, to support these kids in basic life. the extras, is extras. think about it, he pays about $500 a month in support (this is not actual amount,just an example) and that is %26quot;his part%26quot;. and i MATCH that plus provide shelter, clothes, electric,water,medicine, school supplies, birthday parties, ballet lessons, karate lessons, ballet outfits, karate outfits, new shoes about every 6 months ...the list goes on! and we are %26quot;co%26quot; parents!?!? i raise our children, he %26quot;babysits%26quot;every other weekend. is this normal single dad behavior?

Do you think child support is %26quot;enough%26quot; in a child%26#039;s life?
I%26#039;m answering kinda late, given your additional comments, and haven%26#039;t read any other answers, but to give you my view, is that it really isn%26#039;t a gender specific behavior, and really, a great deal of non-custodial parent involvment, both physically and financially, depends on their situation. I know many non-custodial parents that insist they will pay child support and not one cent more. I also know that these parents have remarried and their current spouse has ALOT to do with that opinion. I also know many non-custodial parents that go above and beyond, because it is about the kids, as it should be. I guess there just isn%26#039;t a blanket answer, and sometimes you just need to not worry about what or why he does what he does, but to respect his stance and work around it. Good Luck!
Reply:Nope.





Children need and deserve love, real love, not just some means for you to gain out of having a child.
Reply:Unfortunatly a lot of dads are like this. That is why it is so important for people to date for a long time before marriage and then wait a while before they have kids. Too many people get together and have kids too quick and they don%26#039;t even know eachother. Then they act suprised when they get divorced and are left holding the bag. Look deep before you leap! Then our children will be better off.
Reply:I am a step mom, my hubby pays child support. But I believe that just child support is not enough. I believe that it is fair to pay half of all extra expenses as well. (as long as it is feasible) Child support is only for food and housing for a child. And its not enough. But if that is all you can afford then that is all you can support. But if a single parent is to work and have a baby, they need child care and that is an additional expense. And if a child wants to do extra curricular activities, then I think it is both parents that need to help out, and be involved. But yes my hubby pays. But it is all about how involved the parents are. Most fathers will not pay extra unless it is orders. check your divorce papers. It might be ordered!!
Reply:Sounds like maybe we have a %26quot;Man Hater%26quot; here with some issues.





When you refer to your ex-husband you are not referring to all men. What about the single fathers out there struggling to raise a child after the mother abandoned them.





If you have issues with spending money to raise your child then see if he would like to have permanent custody. It sounds like money is more important to you than your child.
Reply:Actually, some single mom%26#039;s aren%26#039;t even as lucky as you are. My dad never paid child support and lost visitation rights when I was ten. No, it%26#039;s not enough, but having no father is better than having a loser father. I am sorry for what some of the other losers have said about your parenting...just do your best and be glad for what you do have. The most important thing you can give your kids is your love. If their father doesn%26#039;t do the same your kids will be a little worse off, but unfortunately we live in a world that can%26#039;t regulate that sort of thing. I agree, it%26#039;s not enough. But what are you going to do about it?
Reply:No, it%26#039;s not enough. My ex pays child support and %26quot;babysits%26quot; for 9 hours every Saturday. I would gladly give up the little bit of money I get from him if he would be a %26quot;real dad%26quot; to my child.
Reply:Child support is not enough. But if you get the support that is alot more than most single parents get. My ex makes all these promises to his kids and then doesn%26#039;t come through, he is $1000%26#039;s of dollars behind in support and wonders why his relationship is not perfect with them. Duh, if he doesn%26#039;t have the money to pay for their support guess what, I have to cover his portion too, it just doesn%26#039;t magically disappear because he doesn%26#039;t have it, he doesn%26#039;t pay for child care or even have to worry about having childcare coverage. He could work more hours and has no one to check in with or make arrangements with for coverage. But he chooses not to. And he also has them for maybe 4 weekends A YEAR which is far less than what he has been court appointed and support as you know is based partially on how much appointed time they have the children, so those deductions aren%26#039;t fair either. But I just know someday when the kids mature and see the real world they will see the errors of their father%26#039;s choosing.
Reply:child support is not enough alone, you need money also, which means you need a job.
Reply:I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am still married to my children%26#039;s father but in the event we separated, he best make sure he helps support them in other ways than a small check every month. A lot of people don%26#039;t realize that raising a child is more than just clothes, shelter, and food. Children are active in sports and other activities, they have school, and various other things to do. It isn%26#039;t cheap to raise these babies. I do however hope that your ex will open his eyes and see that one day his child is going to ask why he didn%26#039;t help her with the important things (important to her not the adult), like that new pair of shoes all her best friends are wearing, or the outfit that is matching to her friends, etc. No she doesn%26#039;t have to have those and technically she doesn%26#039;t need to match but part of growing up and fitting in at a young age is being able to do those things. She will ask him one day though. Trust me. I had a father that only donated sperm and nothing else. Once i was around, he wasn%26#039;t.
Reply:Most of them feel like the child support is enough. I know exactly what you are going through. I%26#039;m going through it and have been for almost 9 years. I asked my attorney about the extra expenses and he said that they don%26#039;t calculate any of that when the figure out child support and I think that that is wrong. They should have to help with everything. I can%26#039;t even get child support out of her sperm donor. Its very hard and the other parent doesn%26#039;t seem to care. My daughter really doesn%26#039;t get anything for birthdays, easter or christmas but his other 2 kids get everything and what she does get shes not allowed to bring home. she can%26#039;t even call me when she over there for the weekend. Hopefully he cares for your kids and doesn%26#039;t be mean to them like he is to my daughter. The only thing that you might be able to do is have a review done and see if they can raise child support.
Reply:We would all be able to give our kids everything they want. I understand its important for kids to be involved in sports and other activities, but they also need to learn the value of a dollar and that things cost money. If you have to cut back on the expenses and have them do a little less that%26#039;s ok. When I was growing up I played one sport and was a kid the rest of the time.





He may not be the ideal father, but its not up to you to make him one. Do the best you can with what you get from him and be the best mother you can be. Do not confuse this with buying them things or spending money on them. This means raising them with values, spending time with them and making them feel loved and normal.





I am not bashing you as I do not know your financial situation. I am simply making a point that if he does not want to be a father and has been ordered to pay $500 and does not want to pay more he does not have to. It may not make him an ideal father, but you can%26#039;t change that.



acne scar