My husband is a very supportive father to his child%26#039;s mother. Sometimes I think he tries to over compensate (monetarily) just to make sure his son it well cared for. He sees him every other day, attends all of his football games, helps him with homework, hangs out, gives him allowance, and the whole nine. The way I see it you couldn%26#039;t want more if you were the child%26#039;s mother. However, his son%26#039;s mother is always asking him to do more. Although he pays child support FAITHFULLY, if his son%26#039;s mother asks if he can buy more during the month he feels he needs to. She is always asking if he can contribute more financially... buy him clothes, shoes, pay for this football uniform, etc. On top of that my husband gives her 500 a month for child support. Which I think she just uses to pay her car note. I would like to hear from a GOOD/RESPONSIBLE single mother. Tell me how much money it really takes OUTSIDE of child support to take care of a 13 yr old boy? If she puts in HER OWN $500 that%26#039;s 1k mo.
A question for sane single mothers only! My husband has a 13 yr. old ...?
It takes well over a thousand a month to care for one child. I think your husband needs to discuss her finances with her. If she can%26#039;t care for him, maybe your husband needs to take him. Realize that care includes a roof, electricity, clothing, food, transportation, school supplies, recreation, personal items, etc. There%26#039;s a lot in caring for a child.
Reply:Your husband is a saint for doing all that, some women are not as lucky, some don%26#039;t even see a dime. If she using that money for other things besides her son she isn%26#039;t putting her sons best interest at heart. Sounds like she is using your husband, I know he loves his son, but I%26#039;d take him aside and ask him what his mother does with that money he is old enough to know what is going on. My nephew is 15 and his Dad pays no where near that, his Dad is a dead beat, he doesn%26#039;t even help with his insulin, and needles he needs to help keep his diabetes in control. She should be thankful for she gets, and stop her complaining. Sounds like your husband needed custody and not her. I don%26#039;t mean to sound mean but just because they had a fallen out she shouldn%26#039;t use her son to get money for her needs. I%26#039;ve seen too many mothers out there struggling because the fathers did not pay their child support.
Reply:child support is not nearly enough , single mothers never have a day off so the fact he sees him everyother day is less than she does already , and as far as money hmmm, let%26#039;s put it this way the fact you can count every dollar he gives her for one means you%26#039;re in their business too much , and 2 tells me he doesn%26#039;t do enough , because i guarantee she can%26#039;t count every dimes that she spends to raise their son . Seems like you need to find a man without children .
Reply:One thing you have to understand is that they don%26#039;t evaluate child support by only what the child uses/needs for one month. What they look at is the fact that the child should be able to live the same as they did when their parents were married. For example, the house they live in, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, the hot showers they bathe in and the the activites they do etc. So therefore child support helps pay for rent/mortage, electricity, water, food, clothes, etc. Hope this helps!
Reply:easy parenting . .
Reply:That is a really tough question. I think that the amount varies. Remember, the money for child support also goes toward the house note, utilities, food, medical care, etc. in addition to clothing, shoes, school expenses, and activity fees. I think it takes a lot to raise a child, and all extra expenses put a strain on a single parent. I am a responsible person and a wage earner who sometimes has expenses related to my son that are beyond my budget. If his dad can help sometimes, that is great. We really have tried to be honest and both give what we can.
Reply:mabey its not the money....mabey she wants the time. does he spend time with both of them ???? r u with him when he does things with his son?
Reply:I know that it%26#039;s herd to swallow but 500 a month really is not enough to raise a teenager. As a single parent of two I can tell you in all confidence that that would almost cover clothes, groceries and school for just one if you were looking really hard for the best deals. Sure she uses the on-hand cash for the bills at hand but safe and reliable transportation is one of those expenses. The poor house is not the place for your children to live, even if you don%26#039;t have custody of them like I did.
Just to let you know that I%26#039;m not just some nut. I tried to get more than the 35 bucks a month for the both of them and she got out of paying anything at all by claiming a military disability. So I was left with nothing at all while she, to this day, doesn%26#039;t even pay taxes.
So please just be thankful that you%26#039;re hooked up with a generous, loving and, responsible person.
Reply:i know you said single mothers only but although i do not have children of my own i do know it takes alot to raise them monatarily well over 500 a month especially at this age when you have all the extracurricular activities its alot. i guess it just depends on what extra shes asking him to buy/do but if you sit down and put some figures down on paper it would probably make sense to you, you might actually be surprised 500 is not nearly enough for a single mother/child you should have done your homework b4 marrying a guy with a 13 year old because if you get to into the middle of this your marriage is over and remember that boy was there b4 you you have to accept that and move on to a greater cause
Reply:so thats cool
Reply:Depending on your area, $500 is not unreasonable for child support. I have two ex%26#039;s. One was ordered (19 years ago) to pay $1000/mo for four kids. He now pays twice that because he%26#039;s gotten more income since that time and he%26#039;s been very fair and reasonable... so he%26#039;s currently paying about $500 per month, per child.
The other ex is a total loser... and he pays $200 per month per child... but I had to have him put in jail to get that out of him.
In my area (Northern VA near DC) an average if the guy has a decent job is about $500 to $600 per month for one child. I%26#039;ve seen it go as high as $1200/mo. for one child.
She might be paying a $500 car note, but that child is costing more than $500 a month... trust me. And if you calculate only the two of them living together and add up half the rent/house payment, half all the utilities, half the grocery bill, plus medical co-pays, clothes, books, shoes, child care, sports fees etc? He%26#039;s not paying too much.
Keep in mind that 13 year old boys might go through 4 pairs of $40 sneakers in one school year. Their entire wardrobe might need to be replaced two or three times in one year because they grow so freakin%26#039; fast! Everything shouldn%26#039;t have to come from Salvation Army. They eat like longshoremen! If he plays sports or a musical instrument, there%26#039;s more money... field trips, extracurricular activities, a new backpack, lunch money, a new winter coat, skating with the guys, that new CD-ROM thing that he needs for social studies... it all adds up.
You can argue does she need that large of a car note... but doesn%26#039;t she have to have reliable transportation to get him back and forth to school, doctor, soccer, orthodontist, football games, etc... and if she works, she%26#039;s got to have reliable transportation to continue earning an income.
I think you%26#039;re a bit jealous... and I understand it... but from a mom who has one ex who means well, but has other commitments that don%26#039;t allow him much time for his children.... and another ex who hasn%26#039;t seen his children for 8 years.... I admire what he%26#039;s doing and he%26#039;s trying to minimize the damage the divorce does to his child and that%26#039;s all.
Please be supportive of his efforts. You said %26quot;You couldn%26#039;t want more if you were the child%26#039;s mother.%26quot; All she wants is what%26#039;s best for her child. It sounds like she%26#039;s asking for that and he%26#039;s doing it. Reality is.... it sucks to be the second wife sometimes, but if you go to battle with him on this, you can only lose. You%26#039;re going to have to put on your big girl panties and let the child win. He%26#039;s already lost something major here. Let his father dote on him. He will only be a child for another 5 years. A stable, supported upbringing will be the best way to guarantee that he won%26#039;t be leaching off of your marriage for the rest of his life.
Sit quietly and support your husband as he is Father of the Year if you must. It takes a village (and all their jobs and income!) to raise a child. By the way... unless she makes as much as he does, she%26#039;s not required to %26quot;put in her own $500 a month%26quot; she would only be required to put in her percentage as was calculated by the state. This is all court-ordered I%26#039;m sure. Stop fighting it. You%26#039;ll only exhaust yourself with frustration.
Reply:kids are expensive. I get 300 a week for my two girls and it just isnt enough at all, and every cent goes to thier care without any extravagances.
Reply:I am not a single mother, but I do have two children that are not my husbands that I receive child support for. I can honestly tell you that child support does not even begin to cover the expenses for a child. You have to consider food for the child every day, three times a day, and a thirteen year old boy can eat. School fees and books, clothes, shoes, extra curricular activities, hair cuts, money to go out with friends, dentist bills, doctor bills, school pictures, the list goes on and on. Your husband sounds like a very good father, you should be proud of him and encourage him to continue to take an active role in his son%26#039;s life. That does not mean let the ex take advantage, she needs to be paying her own fair share. Maybe they could split any extra bills in half. And I can honestly tell you that my children%26#039;s support has never gone to pay my bills. But you do need to remember that the boy is living at home and using electric, water, etc.
Reply:Oh my gosh!!!!! I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend! It is unreal! If you were not married, I swear, I would think that we were dating the same guy! Especially when you say that the %26quot;ex%26quot; calls and askes for more money after my man sent his child support (He has it deducted directly from his checking when he gets paid so he doesn%26#039;t have to deal with it. )
The other day the %26quot;ex%26quot; called and said - %26quot; do you have extra money to sign your son up with the football team, and do you have extra money to pay for braces for your other son, and can you give me money so I can make my car payment because I am unemployed right now...............huh? Get out! Oh, by the way, my man, broke down and sent her all the money she wanted........cuz he luvs his kids more than anything. And, I respect him for that but....being taken advantage of, gets really old and I don%26#039;t want to loose respect for anyone here.
Reply:OK, most women use the child support for other things when it is suppose to be for the child. My friend would take some of her child support and buy things for her boyfriend and his child. It is wrong but true. Some women ask and want more on purpose to make the wife or girlfriend miserable especially, if there ex has another child by that person. $500.00 a month is PLENTY to take care of a 13 year old. Your husband does not need to do anymore and is not obligated to do anything but pay the child support and spend time and support his son. Yes women can be really cruel and dirty. Is she remarried also? It is NOT your husbands sole responsibilty, she needs to contribute to what her son needs also. They had this child together, and she should contribute and not be so money hungry. I hate women like that.
P.S. I can see there are alot of gold digging women on this board. I have heard to many women (at work in the breakroom) talking and trying to RUIN there ex husbands life with another women. They ask for money (after receiving child support) calling all hours of the night (claiming child is sick) . It is just wrong!
Reply:well I have been both a single mom and a married mom . and let me tell you that it takes alot of money to raise a kid. I see you have no kids or you would allready would know this.And futher more if his father wants to give more than his child support to his sons mother who are you to get in thier buisness. I think your having an issue with this because your feeling neglected. be honest with your self then talk to your husband.
Reply:my child is 8 and i recieve $0.00 a month from his father. i make about $1200 a month (bring home pay) and can barely make ends meet. i actually overdrew my account over the holiday weekend...ooops! i never do that. unless it%26#039;s a finacial burden for you to give more to his son, just let dear ol dad do it. the ex is very fortunate to not have finacial worries while raising a child. don%26#039;t be jealous of her, raising kids is expensive. and if the $500 pays her car payment, realize it%26#039;s all the same money anyway...i.e., she%26#039;d have to pay it anyway along with the expenses of a child.
Reply:I know your looking for mothers but as a son I%26#039;ve calculated what my single mother paid to raise me upto age 18 and it was roughly $345,130- total- costs including food, clothing, shelter, sports, medical and trips/vacations so really 1k a month seems about right to raise a child depending on the home life style he and the mother live and what part of the country they are in I%26#039;m in the northeast an we had a ranch style house with 2 acres and I%26#039;m also disabled from birth so medical was abit higher then maybe it would be for the child your refering to
Reply:how many sardine sandwiches does he eat a week?
Reply:I think that he pays her child support. If he wants to do more for the child, then he should give it to or spend it on the child. IE uniform send a check to the school. u know shes paying her car note. Which in a way is support for the child i guess. she knows how to work him huh. I get $15 a week its what the judge said and I%26#039;ve never seen not one cent. so he has the same birthday as our child and never ever has sent her a birthday card. when he calls she knows that she doesn%26#039;t want to see him. I am so stupid to even give her a choice.
Reply:Wow. Sounds like someone is being taken advantage of. I have a daughter but $500 per month is way more child support than I ever got and my daughter had everything she needed and most of what she wanted. The $500 per month, was that court ordered or did he just agree to that amount? If he went through the courts, they generally come up with a figure that seems fair based on both parties incomes. Seems to me $500 is more than fair. I can see some extra financial help with things like getting braces etc, but you husband is definitely going above and beyond. Could it be that he is doing so because he feels guilty about something? At any rate, she knows how willing he is to help and has no problems asking for more, which to me would be hard to do. I guess I have this little thing called pride that she obviously does not have. Does your husband know how you feel? How does he explain his actions to you? Instead of giving all the extra money, would your husband be open to the idea of the extra money going into a college fund for the boy? That way he could put his sons name on the account and have himself as the custodian of the account so she would not be able to access the money (unless the laws allow in your state). Long and short of it, unless your husband knows how you feel and understands your view point, he is unlikely to change this behavior at this point. If your income was included in determining how much child support was to be paid, you could use that as leverage when you approach him with the subject. This is a tough one. Good luck.
Reply:The expenses of raising a child:
Rent 1/3 of household total
heat 1/2 of household total
electricity 1/2 of household total
water 1/2 of household total
phone 1/3 of household total
medical expenses as charged
dental as charged
clothes as incurred
food 3/4 of household total (for a 13 yr old boy at least)
toys as incurred
sports as incurred
school supplies as incurred
Surveys have totalled up the cost of raising a child to adulthood at $250,000.
Your husband sounds like a dedicated responsible father, it is heart warming to hear about such a man in this era. My advice to you is relax and deal with it. You certainly don%26#039;t want to drive that fine a man away. I know I found one whom I Love very deeply and is providing for my children for a previous marriage to a deadbeat A$SHOLE.
Reply:First, if she uses the $500 to make her car payment, that%26#039;s her perogative. Who%26#039;s paying her rent, utilities, food, gas, clothes, school lunch, insurances, etc? $500 a month doesn%26#039;t cover much.
I hate to be harsh, but you should have thought about this child before you married your husband. He was here first. He should come first. You should be PROUD of your husband for taking care of his child. Too few men do. Furthermore, you should support him in his quest to be a good father. Your resentment of this innocent child and his mother will only destroy you and your marriage.
Reply:Sounds like he%26#039;s a push over. He doesn%26#039;t owe her anything, he spends time and pays child support that%26#039;s his only duty.
I get $111 a month for my daughter so unless you guys get less than that you can%26#039;t complain.
treatment
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment