My 4 year old daughter prefers dad to me. I want us to be a close mom and daughter but how???

Normally mom is the children%26#039;s favorite, I was my son%26#039;s, but now I am wearing the other shoe and Dad is the lucky one. I don%26#039;t want to lessen their relationship, I love how close they are, I just wish she did not shy away from me when he%26#039;s home. Also when she does prefer me, which is rare but happens occasionally my husband gets a little jealous. I am the one who has to discipline her as dad let%26#039;s her run wild and it makes me look like the bad guy. How can I help my daughter to not choose fav%26#039;s and how can I help dad to assist with getting her to see me as a loving mom not the bad guy.

My 4 year old daughter prefers dad to me. I want us to be a close mom and daughter but how???
With respect, I think you%26#039;re overlooking the big picture, which is human nature. It%26#039;s natural for your son to choose you as his %26quot;favorite%26quot;, and it%26#039;s natural for your daughter to %26quot;choose%26quot; her dad. In my own family, I%26#039;m normally the disciplinarian, yet my 4-year-old daughter adores me, while my 6-year-old son generally would prefer to spend time with his mom. This reaction is caused partially by the fact that even when I have to have a %26quot;talk%26quot; with my daughter, she still knows that she%26#039;s my little angel. Mostly though, I%26#039;ve noticed that this behavior is fairly natural and common in my friends%26#039; families as well as my own. I won%26#039;t advise you to try to take over as your daughter%26#039;s %26quot;favorite%26quot;, but I will remind you that love takes many forms. Maybe you can%26#039;t be your daughter%26#039;s first choice for attention, but you can always find some other bond to build with her. This is what I do with my son, and it seems to work well. He still prefers to sit in mom%26#039;s lap, but he knows that dad is the one to ask when it comes to %26quot;guy%26quot; stuff. Mostly, I would advise you against allowing any hard feelings to come between yourself and your husband over this. 4-year-olds are far more intuitive than most of us give them credit for, and being part of a rift between her parents is something no little girl should ever have to contemplate. Hope this helps, and best of luck.
Reply:You guys need to get on the same team here. This isn%26#039;t a contest, these are your children. You need to be consistent with discipline techniques across the board. Kids need the same rules no mater WHO they are with. It makes them feel safe and secure. It doesn%26#039;t make them hate you. If you didn%26#039;t care about them, you wouldn%26#039;t care WHAT they did.


And, I%26#039;m sorry, but your husband is being selfish. He is putting his own short term happiness above the long term emotional success of your child. He needs to get with the program asap or this little girl is going to think she can manipulate and sweet talk her way into and out of anything. He is not doing her any favors by not disciplining her. Quite the opposite in fact. He is hurting her.


Sit down and make him watch a few episodes of Super Nanny...that will snap some sense into him.
Reply:First you and your husband need to sit down and make a plan to discipline as a team. It does no good if one parent is the bad guy and one is the good guy. Also, maybe try to have some mother and daughter time. Just the two of you. Go see a movie or take her out to a special dinner. Take her out of the house so dad is not right there. Hope that helps!
Reply:Unfortunately, I think that%26#039;s the nature of the father/daughter relationship beast. I have a 5 year old step daughter and she and her dad are EXTREMELY close. I just think dads have a hard time telling their girls %26quot;no%26quot;. The same thing happened to my brother...had a boy first then a girl and is totally taken by the girl. I know it%26#039;s not fair and I%26#039;m pregnant with a boy so I have to make sure he treats them the same...he tells me he%26#039;s a boy so he knows how boys think and that he doesn%26#039;t know how girls think so he just gives in to her! Her mom (his ex) and I laugh about how much she runs him...HOWEVER, it has taken a toll on him because she does run him and he sees her being more respectful to me and her mom so he wonders what%26#039;s up...I told him it%26#039;s because you let her walk all over you.... Dad will get tired of being taken advantage of and he%26#039;ll start taking care of business!



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